Thoughts... again...

Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery (1874-1942)

What is this doing in my thoughts on bipolar?

Don't worry - I am NOT suggesting that the beloved Canadian writer Lucy Maud Montgomery was manic depressive, or that her delightful character Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables books was even the softest of soft bipolars.

However, I DO LOVE the concept "there are no mistakes in tomorrow".

It belongs in thoughts on bipolar because bipolar people know better than most the true meaning of regret and have a strong need to believe in the miracle of a new beginning.

The psychiatrist who finally correctly diagnosed me used to say it to me all the time when we first met and I was very depressed: "there are no mistakes in tomorrow".

Eventually the power of this concept sunk in - these words really did change my life! They instiled courage and optimism in me again.

Quote of the day...

Suicide is what the death certificate says when one dies of depression. - PETER D. KRAMER (1997)

Love and Sin

Christianity has done a great deal for love by making a sin of it.

Sadness

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Death Reveals

When the body sinks into death, the essence of man is revealed. Man is a knot, a web, a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter. The body is an old crock that nobody will miss. I have never known a man to think of himself when dying. Never.

Wise

He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise

Mind Awake...

See the thoughts churning in my mind?
Can’t you see that I’m in my dream land?
I cannot just walk away…
I always walk alone.

See the colors burning in my mind?
Can’t you see the fire in my hand?
I could just throw it your way…
Instead I carry the stone.

Feel the ideas blurring in my mind?
Too many to grab I’m swaying and…
Wish I could throw them away…
I can’t they just won’t go.

LA

My Daemon

Sacrifice

It's true, we're all a little insane.
But it's so clear, now that I'm unchained.
Fear is only in our minds,
taking over all the time.
You poor sweet innocent thing,
Dry your eyes and testify.
You know you live to break me, don't deny.
One day I'm gonna forget your name.
And one sweet day,
You're gonna drown in my lost pain.
Fear is only in our minds,
Taking over all the time.
You poor sweet innocent thing,
Dry your eyes and testify.
And oh you love to hate me don't you?
I'm your sacrifice.
I dream in darkness, I sleep to die.
Erase the silence, erase my life.
My burning ashes blacken the day.
A world of nothingness, blows me away.
Do you wonder why you hate?
Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave,
Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I'm all alone.

Field of Innocence

I still remember the world from the eyes of a child.
Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.
I still remember the sun,
Always warm on my back.
Somehow it seems colder now.
Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
I want to go back to believing in everything.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
I want to go back to believing in everything.
I still remember.....

Hello

Playground school bell rings again.
Rain clouds come to play again.
Has no one told you he´s not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to, hello.
If I smile and don´t believe,
Soon I know I´ll wake from this dream.
Don´t try to fix me, I´m not broken.
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide, don´t cry.
Suddenly I know I´m not sleeping.
Hello, I´m still here,
All that´s left of yesterday

Lithium

Don't want to lock me up inside.
Don't want to forget how it feels without...
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, my Gods, I want to let it go.
Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.
I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.
Don't want to lock me up inside.
Don't want to forget how it feels without...
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.
Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.
I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.
Don't want to lock me up inside.
Don't want to forget how it feels without...
...stay in love with my sorrow.
I'm gonna let it go.

New Year

What can I say? 2007 sucked more than any other year of my life...

Oh Fate what have ye in store for 2008? Dare I ask? Nevertheless, boldly I tread upon what is yet to come. Hopeful in that Fate will be gracious to me this year and give me peace of mind.

LA

New Year? Or just a continuation of Fate?

Well, seems that the dark season is teaching me plenty. Lots of introspection on myself and all that lies within this totally not-understood world.

This is the time of the year when I am spoken to on very subtle levels, and I am consistent in just being silent, alone, and thoughtful. Plenty is to come very soon. New ways to approach, and old ways to stubbornly let go of... even though I know they kick me in the ass every time.

I am indeed a Witch, but that doesn't mean I'm always wise when it comes to my own condition. I am in the place of counselor to many who come to me very regularly for advice, a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic, if not empathetic listener. But do I always know what's best for myself? HA!!!!!

New things I'm told are coming. I have to say enough is enough when it comes to spiritual "children" and come to know how to help the "children" grow to be more of the spiritual adult. Come on! We are not meek little spirits!!! We are POWERFUL entities known as the Witch race! Claimants of the Red Thread Lineage!!!

Know how to be Proud in not being prideful and boastful. Know what the meaning of our lives are and finding that meaning within ourselves. Know that truth be first, no matter the cost. Truth in all things. Truth to ourselves and others in all things, in all ways, at all times. And of course, this entails being true to self first!

May this season of darkness bring enlightenment, prosperity and truth.

LA

We Suffer

It’s the same old thing.
Day after day.
All alone we suffer.
We suffer.
While the world steals our heart away.

It’s the same old theme.
Night after night.
All alone we suffer.
We’ll suffer.
While the world steals our love away.

It’s the same old pain.
Time after time.
All alone we suffer.
Still Suffer.
While the world steals our dream away.

When our light shines upon the world,
And it flies right by their eyes.
Then we find ourselves in the shadows,
‘Cause the world won’t find compromise.

We’ll find that again.
Year after year.
All alone we suffer.
We suffer.
While the world steals our light away.

LA

Quotable Quote!

"It would be counter intuitive to assume the deities would lose their attention so fast. That's (a) human characteristic. So long as the earth grows, shadows grow and fall, the wind moves and the waves wash, they exist. So long as humans are born remembering a connection beyond what our immediate senses tell us, there will be witches. As long as will produces change in objective physical reality, there will be magic."

Sapphire

How do I cope?

I attribute my good spirits to my quickly eroding sanity.

LA

A Spell (An excellent way to get a Fairy)

Gather, first in your left hand
(This must be at fall of day)
Forty grains of wild sea-sand
Where you think a mermaid lay.
I have heard that it is best
If you gather it, warm and sweet,
Out of the dint of her left breast
Where you see her heart has a beat.

Out of the dint of that sweet sand,
Gather forty grains, I say;
Yet-if it fails you-understand,
There remains a better way.

Out of this you melt your glass
While the veils of night are drawn,
Whipsering, till the shadows pass,
"Nixie-pixie-leprechaun!"
Then you blow your magic vial,
Shape it like a crescent moon,
Set it up and make your trial,
Singing, "Elaby, ah, come soon!"

Round the cloudy crescent go,
On the hill-top, in the dawn,
Singing softly, on tip-toe,
"Elaby Gathon! Elaby Gathon!
Nixie-pixie-leprechaun!"

Bring the blood of a white hen
Slaughtered at the break of day,
While the cock, in the fairy glen,
Thrusts his gold neck every way,
Over the brambles, peering, calling,
Under the ferns, with a sudden fear,
Far and wide-as dews are falling-
Clamoring, calling, everywhere.

Round the crimson vial go,
On the hill-top, in the dawn,
Singing softly, on tip-toe,
"Nixie-pixie-leprechaun!"
If this fail at break of day,
I can show you a better way.

Bring the buds of the hazel-copse,
Where two lovers kissed at noon;
Bring the crushed red wild-thyme tops
Where they murmured under the moon.
Bring the four-leaved clover also,
One of the white, and one of the red,
Bring the flakes of the may that fall so
Lightly over their bridal bed.

Drop them into the vial-so-
On the hilltop, in the dawn,
Singing softly, on tiptoe
"Nixie-pixie-leprechaun!"
And if once will not suffice,
Do it thrice!
If this fail at break of day,
There remains a better way.

Bring an old and crippled child
-Ah, tread softly, on tip-toe!-
Tattered, tearless, wonder-wild,
From that under-world below,
Bring a wizened child of seven
Reeking from the City slime,
Out of hell into your heaven,
Set her knee-deep in the thyme.

Feed her-clothe her, even so!
Set her on a fairy-throne.
When her eyes begin to glow
Leave her alone for an hour-alone.

You shall need no spells or charms,
On that hill-top, in that dawn.
When she lifts her wasted arms,
You shall see a veil withdrawn.
There shall be no veil between them,
Though her head be old and wise!
You shall know that she has seen them
By the glory in her eyes.

Round her irons on that hill
Earth has tossed a fairy fire:
Watch, and listen, and be still,
Lest you baulk your own desire.

When she sees four azure wings
Light upon her claw-like hand;
When she lifts her head and sings,
You shall hear and understand:
You shall hear a bugle calling
Wildly over the dew-dashed down;
And a sound as of the falling
Ramparts of a conquered town.

You shall hear a sound like thunder;
And a veil shall be withdrawn,
When her eyes grown wide with wonder
On that hill-top, in that dawn.

--Alfred Noyes

Remember

In times of trial may I remember, that all of my ill-taken fortunes will return to me ten-fold at the misfortune of those who had taken them or wished me ill-will.

LA