Sunday, February 17, 2008

Good Enough

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.
Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel.
Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you and I've completely lost myself,
and I don't mind.
Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel.
I feel good enough,
its been such a long time coming,
but I feel good and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
To pour real life down on me,
cause I can't hold on to anything this good.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?
So take care what you ask of me cause I can't say no.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

So we'll go no more a roving

So, we’ll go no more a roving,
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we’ll go no more a roving,
By the light of the moon.
Soon as the evening shades prevail,
The moon takes up the wondrous tale,
And nightly to the listening earth,
Repeats the story of her birth.

Whilst all the stars that round her burn,
And all the planets, in their turn,
Conform the tidings as they roll,
And spread the truth from pole to pole.

A Bi-Polar Existence

There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness.

When you're high it's tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones.

Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people.

Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one's marrow. But, somewhere this changes. The fast ideas are too fast, and there are far too many, overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friend's faces are replaced by fear and concern.

Everything previously moving with the grain is now against....

you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and emerged totally in the blackest caves of the mind.

You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.


I honestly believe that as a result of it I have felt more things, more deeply; had more experiences, more intensely; loved more, and have been more loved...

... laughed more often for having cried more often; appreciated more the springs, for all the winters...

Depressed, I have crawled on my hands and knees in order to get across a room and have done it for month after month.

But normal or manic I have run faster, thought faster, and loved deeper than most I know.

Thoughts... again...

Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery (1874-1942)

What is this doing in my thoughts on bipolar?

Don't worry - I am NOT suggesting that the beloved Canadian writer Lucy Maud Montgomery was manic depressive, or that her delightful character Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables books was even the softest of soft bipolars.

However, I DO LOVE the concept "there are no mistakes in tomorrow".

It belongs in thoughts on bipolar because bipolar people know better than most the true meaning of regret and have a strong need to believe in the miracle of a new beginning.

The psychiatrist who finally correctly diagnosed me used to say it to me all the time when we first met and I was very depressed: "there are no mistakes in tomorrow".

Eventually the power of this concept sunk in - these words really did change my life! They instiled courage and optimism in me again.

Quote of the day...

Suicide is what the death certificate says when one dies of depression. - PETER D. KRAMER (1997)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Love and Sin

Christianity has done a great deal for love by making a sin of it.


There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Death Reveals

When the body sinks into death, the essence of man is revealed. Man is a knot, a web, a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter. The body is an old crock that nobody will miss. I have never known a man to think of himself when dying. Never.


He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Mind Awake...

See the thoughts churning in my mind?
Can’t you see that I’m in my dream land?
I cannot just walk away…
I always walk alone.

See the colors burning in my mind?
Can’t you see the fire in my hand?
I could just throw it your way…
Instead I carry the stone.

Feel the ideas blurring in my mind?
Too many to grab I’m swaying and…
Wish I could throw them away…
I can’t they just won’t go.